I wish I was an expert at this. But I have to be honest...I am still working at it. I am still learning to be still, to breathe deeper breaths, to quietly stretch, to sit by the woodstove in complete silence with a cup of coffee. I am still learning that when I am in a quiet room, I don't have to have the music on in the background. I can turn off the podcast that I may or may not be listening to, shut off my phone and all of the endless notifications, clear my mind...In other words, I can just be.
But last week was a bit different. I had surgery which required days of bed rest. Days of doing nothing. It took too much emotional energy to talk, so I didn't. It took much physical energy to listen, so I didn't. Visits from friends were out, movies were out, reading was out, working was out. My days consisted of moving from bed to couch, sleeping to being awake.
And boy, was that awake time hard.
I have always prided myself on starting my day in silence and stillness. For me, it has been a time to visualize, recenter and remind myself of all the good that is around me. To meditate, quiet my mind, and let go. But, you see, I always had an out. I always knew there was a short term light at the end of the tunnel. The little voice in the back of my mind that whispered, "ok, a couple more minutes of this meditation and let's get going, time to be productive."
And then I would.
But not this time. This time I have to sit with the uncomfortableness that naturally comes with being still for long periods of time. There is no place to go. I need to just breathe through the pain that comes from what my body went through. I need to listen to what my I am needing..really listen. And I need to know that doing nothing is actually the greatest act of self-love I have ever done for myself.
This takes practice. This takes letting go of all of my attachments to what 'productivity' looks like. This takes redefining what 'lazy' means. This takes unlearning that being 'busy' is actually not the goal in life. This takes asking for what I need, relying on others, and loving myself enough to know I deserve every precious minute it takes for my body to heal...in complete stillness. And a part of me is really looking forward to it.
Join me this week, will you? In taking some time to do something completely uncomfortable, but intensely nourishing. Without feeling guilty, without wanting more...let's put aside 'busy' and all just do a little bit more of nothing this week.