Redefining forever

July 23, 2019

 

You know me. I don't always play by the rules. I am not one to hide behind the shoulds. And although I care deeply what you think of me, it doesn't stop me from stepping up in such a transparent way, it sometimes might make you feel uncomfortable. You see...I have earned this. I have struggled to get here. I have worked hard to be able to know it is ok to show up fully. Because if I didn't, you would be loving a version of me that is...well...not really me. I would never know if you would love me or this other watered down me that I am just wanting to show you.

 

But it's scary sometimes to step into love this way. It is scary sometimes knowing I may be too much or that your love might be conditional on how comfortable I make you feel. It's scary to wonder what you really think of me. But I also know that love...well..it just is scary. We put everything we have into it. We give all of our vulnerabilities over to someone and trust that they will hold it with love and care. And sometimes they do. But sometimes they don't. Sometimes they just can't. Sometimes thier version of love that they have experienced is so triggered by their past that it is hard to love fully in the present. But readers, not all is lost.

 

What if...instead of hoping that love is forever...we hope that what we get from love will be forever. We hope that the wisdom, the lessons, the beauty...we hope that the skills, the adventures, the knowing more about ourselves, the healing...that is what is forever. What if, after every relationship, we enter in a new one stepping fully into it with all of yourself, unapologetic and strong, full of kickass smarts and knowledge about how you are going to actively co-create the next one? What if we just shift our mindset about what should be included in our forever? 

 

Because, in the end, we get to decide what is included in our forever.

 

We get to decide how we want our relationship to look like. We get to decide how much of ourselves we are willing to show another. We get to decide how many chances we give to someone who keeps stepping on our forgiveness. We get to decide how long we want to trust their words while ignoring their actions. We get to do that, dear readers.

 

We also get to decide how much beauty we let in. How much of an exhale we can afford to release at this moment. We get to decide how much we want to lean into comfort, lean into another one's pure joy and light. How much love and energy we can hold a space for. And depending on where we are, it might not be a lot.

 

And that's ok.

 

But every relationship, intimate or platonic, will teach you this. Every relationship will prepare you better for the next...if you let it. Every relationship you will have, you step closer to who you truly are. Knowing that anyone that doesn't see you...I mean really see you...for everything that you have struggled through, fought for and have become, might not be a forever one.

 

And sometimes, at this moment, that is exactly what you need.

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