I am not the kind of girl that gets what she wants. I sometimes don't even get what I need, despite knowing exactly what that is. And although it has often times been a struggle to continually allow this to happen, I take full responsibility. And most of the time, I forgive myself for bending too much, being too flexible or putting your needs ahead of mine. Most of the time. But some of the time I keep doing it because this is what I know and I trust you might see me for how valuable I would like to feel. But a lot of the time, you don't.
But lately, I have been seeing more of me through the lens of my wise self. You know, the one that has already lived this life through once. The one that has learned all of the lessons we are currently in the middle of. The one that whispers in your ear while you sleep to help you get through the night when it seems like you won't. The one that comforts you in between hysterical sobs to let you know that you can do this...again. She's the one that sees you in all of the beauty and all of the mess and thinks that is not only perfectly fine, but also quite necessary. Because this is how we do it. Because this is how you have to do it.
Readers...I know sometimes it seems like we are banging our head against the wall. That we just can't pick ourselves up one more time. That it all seems just way too heavy. And it might be. It might be more than you signed up for. But stay with me. Our struggles are actually our successes. Without them, we never learn. We never grow. We would never find out just how much of a badass we are. How much of a warrior we can become.
And this is how we learn how to eventually get what we want. It is how we learn to get what we need. And although it might take us longer to get to this point, it is also when we realize that the breadcrumbs you throw our way just aren't enough anymore. We aren't ok with it any longer. And that is when the magic happens.
It is a journey for us to find our value. To really know how immensely important we are. We are fortunate if we are surrounded by people that can help us on this path. But sometimes the people around us don't know how. Or can't. Or won't. Go easy on them. They are struggling with their own stuff. And besides...this is our lesson anyway.
Sometimes this might mean we have to love from a far. Sometimes it might mean we have to be more selective about who we let enter into our castle. It might mean the drawbridge stays closed a bit longer until you are sure....absolutely sure that you know your own value. And that value deserves not just the measly breadcrumbs that are leftover, but the whole damn loaf of bread.
Go easy. Go forward. Close the doors that no longer serve you. And know that love is all around you.