what we don't talk about and why we should
I wrote a story on love last week (find it here). Specifically, how our first experiences shape our views on what love looks like, and then, how it feels to us as we get older. I was pretty real with you, I know. After hitting the publish button, I made a cup of tea and...well...took my phone off the hook.
And then I got an email. And then another. And then another. All sharing what your story of love looks like. All sharing what connects us. All sharing because that is what we do to not feel alone. There is good love out there. I know this, especially now. But there is also dark, misshapen love, and if we are not careful, we sometimes allow ourselves to stay in that place because we think that is what we deserve. We seek out that kind of love because that is what we know...that is what is familiar to us.
I have been there. You know this. And there are some crazy scary times when you think that this life is not meant for you...that you are drowning with everyone around you nodding their head in agreement. With everyone looking at you with sympathy as you scrape your way to a place that feels safe enough to just breathe. These people...that you so desperately want to show up for you...they sometimes just can't or won't. Not because they do not love you, but because it reminds themselves too much of their own pain. Of their own darkness. And a part of me gets that.
There is so much shame in what we carry. So much guilt that we sometimes feel that the ground below will not hold us. We pick these feelings up, as if they are ours, and carry them with us And we sometimes pass it on, because we don't know what else to do with it. It is too heavy for us to carry on our own, I know this....but I have something for you. An invitation, of sorts that can lessen the weight of your bags. Something that can give you back your power...your strength...your love.
It requires that you do something you have already been doing for years...it requires that you dig deep...maybe more than ever before, because your whole existence depends on it...and honestly, we are counting on you. You know we have carried this with us long enough. The abuse, the shame, the guilt. I have heard you. I have seen you...but I am not just nodding my head in agreement. I am not just going to watch you from a distance as you try and find your breath. I am not going to just let you carry all of this on your own. And it starts like this...
Just put that shit down.
It's worth saying again...just put that shit down.
It is not yours anymore. It most likely never was. And to be real...it had absolutely nothing to do with you and all to do with the story that was told once or twice before you were even created. I know you feel a level of comfort there and it is like I am asking you to jump without knowing what lies beneath. But hear me loud...there is strength in numbers and from the stories you have shared with me this week...we are strong. We got this, if we stay together. We are not going to let anyone drown, because that is just who we are. We are going to step up. We are going to show up. And you will be able to feel the love. Because it is circling all around you.
And eventually, you will feel your love. It is in there...just wanting to be seen...wanting to tell you that you are beautiful, as is...without any conditions or agendas. Wanting to tell you that sometimes life is messy, but love will always have your back. And when you sit quietly and listen for that voice and let it wrap all around you unconditionally, that's when everything changes.
You can start today. You can start right now. Just breathe deep...Breathe out all of the pain, the fear, the trauma. Go easy. Be gentle. Forgive. I know it hurts. I know it is raw. But I also know that THIS is what you deserve. This is what you are worthy of. This is your purpose. To fight, to feel and to surrender. To speak, to trust and to inspire.To connect with others who have done this. Who are doing this. But most importantly, your purpose is to love.
You have a story to tell. Speak it loud and speak it often. You will find your tribe there. You will find your tribe here. You are courageous. I know this about you because I have been there too.
We all have and we are all holding a space just for you.