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being a place holder and not giving a f*ck




I am turning 50 this year...and looking forward to it. To be honest, I've never been happier and more content with how I am living. It's not perfect, but really...that is never my goal. I am living a life that is surrounded by some pretty solid people. Friends that, without a doubt, have my back. Loves that are always there when I need them. Kids that continually make me proud and parents that, well..they mean everything to me. I have worked consciously at keeping this circle tight, not allowing people in that are intentionally hurtful, disrespectful or just plain mean. My boundary game is strong and I have no time for people that want to play games with it.


And with that, the Universe continually throws situations at me where it's tested and strengthened...just to make sure. And when I hold the line...the more I hold that line...the more I start to experience the backlash. But what I am finding is I am enjoying this process. The process of not being powerless, the process of knowing how I want to be treated and walking away when someone doesn't step up and meet me there. The process of not having to overly explain myself, or convince someone to see my point of view. The process of not needing to defend myself when you are speaking negatively of me.


The process of not giving a f*ck.


Because this is the thing, readers...what someone else says about you, thinks of you, how they treat you...really has nothing to do with you...nothing. You are just triggering in them the parts they haven't worked on yet, their anger, their hurt. Their need for attention. You are just shining a bright light on their soft spots, their weaknesses, their unhappiness, their pain. And although it feels like it is directed at you, you're just the place holder. And the minute you remove yourself from that space, it will be filled with someone else. Because that is how these lessons work...


Think about it... we are constantly confronted by the same patterns and behaviors throughout our little lives...the same types of people keep showing up. The same situations keep presenting themselves. These are just our place holders. They get rotated and replaced, but they are still there until we do the work on ourselves. They give us an opportunity to dig deep and resolve our triggers, our pain, our drama. They teach us how to let go, breathe deeper, be kinder...they teach us how to not give a f*ck.


Because sometimes, that's ok.


It's ok to let go of people that are not your thing. Friendships that seem more like a struggle than a support, past relationships that still try and hold on to you. It's ok to stop trying so hard to make things right when they aren't. It's ok to not put the energy into convincing people of your side of the story. It's ok to stop explaining yourself.


It's ok, friends, to just not give a f*ck.


Really.


The ex and his wife that still, after years, talk negatively about you to your kids? We don't give a f*ck because our children have it figured out and you are only hurting yourselves. The boss that doesn't see your worth? We don't give a f*ck because we know how valuable we are and we're killing it. The friend who continually steps on your boundaries? We don't give a f*ck because we know our worth and that was your last chance. The ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend that still spins stories about you? That's right...we just don't give a f*ck.


We know who we are. We are confident in who we are. We live with love and kindness, but don't mistake that for thinking you can walk all over us. We may be fierce and strong, even forgiving...but don't mistake our silence for being passive. We see you, we just no longer give a f*ck. You are nothing more than a place holder til we figure this all out.


And sometimes, ladies, that is where our true power comes from.



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