I don't want to straighten my crown
This past week was the first time this year it felt like winter here in Wisconsin. And it's January. Mid-January. We finally had the cold I have been waiting for. We finally had the snow I have been craving. The wood stove has been going all weekend, dripping mittens have been drying on the rack from too much playing in said snow, boots thawing out from the cold, hot chocolate with little marshmallows floating on top was being made...it was the start of a really good weekend. But with the snow, gusts of wind blew in, bringing with it a funk that seemed to settle over our little household.
We all are a little bit grouchy over here.
I could blame it on the date that invited me to a party and then brought someone else. I could blame it on my car's engine light coming on without warning. It could be the exhaustion of single parenting. Or the much needed mini vacation planned for next week that fell through. I could blame it on not feeling valued, appreciated, loved. Lack of sleep, lack of meaningful connection, lack of (fill in the blank)...
Welcome to my pity party.
I might stay here for a little while. No need to join me. It's a party for one, anyway.
I know this isn't anything unusual. We all have these days. These days where our focus gravitates towards what's missing, the negative, the 'this kinda sucks' feelings. Because despite what anyone tells you...some days just suck. Some days I just don't want to focus on the good or feel gratitude. Some days I just want to sit in the suckiness of it all. And that's ok.
You see, readers...sometimes life is messy. It just is. And we have all been trained in our society to pretend it's not. Or at least to others. We have all been trained to crop out the funk in our lives and present ourselves as something not quite realistic. And because of this...we feel sometimes feel weak if we show emotion, or worse, we are told we are dramatic or crazy if we show too much. We sometimes feel like a burden and we don't quite know how to ask for help...we feel alone in our little world we have created...mostly because no one talks about how messy life can actually feel sometimes. But know this friends...the person next to you...they are having a rough go of it too...we all are. And that's ok, too.
Because sometimes it's ok to not want to straighten your crown.
It's sometimes ok to stay in the mess. To feel what comes up when your defenses are down. To sit with this shift and take a good look at, who, in our lives is not serving us in where we are headed. To see who shows up for you and who doesn't. To re-examine what changes we want to make in order for our lives to flow a little easier. To reach out and connect more with our tribe, and if we don't have one, find one.
If you don't have one, find one. One that reminds you that the guy that brought the date to the party...he just took himself out of the running and saved you some time. One that reminds you that the last time the check engine light came on, it was a simple fix, but a much needed one. A tribe that knows that parenting on your own is challenging and hard, but damn...look at who you have become because of it. The vacation that fell through...well...that just sucks, but I am bringing margaritas over on Tuesday.
And you are loved. Always. Because that comes from within, ladies.
Love always comes from within.
So, take that deep breath. Know that this will pass. Know that you are not alone. And know you are loved.
And don't straighten your crown on my account...I know I won't be.