How to have a kickass relationship

I am no expert here. I know that’s not exactly what you want to hear. I can’t even tell you that I don’t struggle with this myself.... daily. And the people I love around me, I see struggle with it just as much as I do.  But let’s back up.

I know you want to hear how to make your man love you more. Maybe your expecting me to tell you the tricks In feeling safe and secure in your relationship. How do you get your woman to acknowledge your needs and desires. Possibly how to feel heard and validated. I get it. But that’s not why I am here. Not today.

I am here to share with you how to have a kickass relationship... with yourself.

I know.  You were expecting this to go another direction. I know I just took a sharp left when you thought we were going straight. I might have even taken the wind out of your sails just a bit. But stick with me.  

If we don’t learn to master the one relationship that matters most, if we don’t spend the time to get to know our triggers, our needs, our boundaries, our wounds. If we don’t heal what needs to healed, if we don’t love ourselves... unconditionally... we can never truly show up for another person.  Or more importantly, ourselves.

We will find, instead that we are constantly tripping over other people’s expectations and needs. We will get defensive, guarded, push people away, feel insecure. Feel, well... unloved. And you are, but only by yourself.

And if we attempt to enter into an intimate relationship with another, we will be intensely triggered by our past hurts. We risk not showing up authentically because we fear abandonment. We get quiet, we don’t speak our truth, we avoid healthy conflict. We shrink.

Oh... please don’t shrink.

We need you to step up and into something so fully that you are seen and heard. And accepted. And the way that you make that happen is to truly and fiercely love yourself.  Spend time getting to know who you want to be...who you want to create in this lifetime...what kind of partner you want to be for yourself, your man, your woman...practice self awareness. Commit to personal growth. Find a teacher. Learn your lessons. Move on. Be kind. Forgive. 

But most importantly... love. Because in the end, that is all that really ever matters.