mean people suck and how to be a nice person
I have to be honest. I struggle with people that aren't nice. I don't understand it. I don't even want to understand it, really. And recently, mean people have been coming out in droves...just open any of your social media platforms and you'll see it. People telling others how they should live, what choices they should be making, judging how they handle situations...And then when they put this on your kids and involve them...well...a girl just can't stay quiet anymore. So, in light of recent events in my life, I have put together seven rules to live by when it comes to being a nice person...
1. Don't be a dick
That's right. It seems easy enough. No one is impressed with your drama and gossip.
We are all struggling just a bit and doing our best in tough times. And our judgements of others take up a lot of energy that could be better spent looking internally. So, when you find yourself wanting to drag others through the mud, remember, it says a lot more about the ugliness inside of you than the actual target of your hatred. Show a bit of compassion and stop being a dick.
2. You don't know someone's story
I was reminded of this in a class I once took a few years back and it seems even more important today. We don't know what others have knocking at their door. Some of us have chronic illnesses, constant threats to our safety or just feel unsupported...some of us are going through a divorce, in an unhappy marriage, or worse...an abusive relationship. There are folks who are suicidal, have money issues, feel desperately lost and alone...at their end of their ropes. They might just be hanging on by a thread and although, on the outside, all might seem happy and solid...the truth is, we just don't know what experiences they are having. Take yourself out of your little self-absorbed world for a moment and acknowledge that life can be incredibly hard sometimes for others. You don't need to contribute to that.
3. Figure out your intentions and self-regulate
We all have them and often times, when we are being mean, they are rooted in a space of our own hurt and pain. Instead of healing, we find someone to bring down to not only to distract ourselves from our own work, but to make ourselves feel better. If you ever survived high school, you know what I am talking about. Own your pain, step up and stop emotionally throwing up on others.
4. Keep your circle tight
I have made a habit of detoxing from the dysfunctional people in my life. I can't say enough about how important this is. To pick who gets in and who stays at arms length, is essential to your well-being. It's taken a while for me to get to this place (and I still slip up), but it has been an actual game changer to know that I have the power to decide this. I find the more I tighten though, the more push I get, which leads me to number five...
5. Have a good boundary game
This. We have a tendency to show people how we expect to be treated. If we allow certain behaviors or hurtful people into our lives on an ongoing basis, we are essentially not showing up for ourselves and sending the message that it's ok to be an ass. A free pass to treat you anyway they wish. Ignore. Block. Breathe. You'll be better off for it.
6. No one asked you anyway
That unsolicited advice. That person that feels you actually need to hear what they have to say about you. The one that has all of your answers...can solve all of your problems..if you would just listen to her...I know it makes you feel smart. Maybe even important. Probably helps you feel better about your own little world, but really...no one cares about your opinion. I know this sounds harsh, but unless someone asks you your opinion...keep it to yourself.
7. Life is short
Remember this one. Just yesterday, it seems, I gave birth to my now 19 year old. Last week, I literally turned 50 years old. You know this goes fast and when you spend this sweet little life tearing others apart, you are going to end up alone and miserable. You literally push the people you care about away and that is something you just can't get back. Life can be this amazing adventure and there is so much potential to create beauty instead of darkness. So many opportunities to connect instead of drive away. So many small instances to heal instead of continuing to be toxic.
And if all else fails...always go back to number one...