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  • Writer's picturerobyn

saying goodbye and not settling for 'some'

We took our Christmas tree down yesterday. Or rather, the tree took itself down. Face down. On the living room floor. Although I'd like to say it was a surprise, I knew it was coming. Something about the way it started to tilt a little more everyday...just a half an inch or so. It was subtle, but I saw it. I'd stand at a particular angle and think, well...that's not really so bad. We held onto it longer than we should have, of course, propped up in the corner of our living room. I hoped maybe it would self-correct...that little lean...but of course it didn't. Every once in a while, I'd push it back into place, but the next day, there it was...back to it's slope. Truth be told, I ignored all of the signs...the needles dropping, the branches that didn't hold their form anymore, the fading scent, the ever so slight tilt...until one day, there was nothing left to ignore. It was time to say goodbye.

And I find, that sometimes, life looks like this too. That we are given many opportunities to avoid this tree falling face down in our living room. Subtle hints that something is not quite right. Obvious clues that we might be holding on to something that we should just let go of. We even know in the back of our minds what needs to be done, but we still think things will change. We try pushing. We try pulling. We try reasoning. We stand back and dissect the problem from every angle. We might even ignore the problem all together. Because after all, the tree is still bringing us some joy, right?

It is still giving us some joy...

some /səm/

definition: an unspecified or small amount


Friends, with all things pertaining to happiness or joy...I don't think 'some' should be our goal. Think about it...if we craft our life around settling, even just a little bit...that becomes our normal. That becomes what we expect, what we lean into. That becomes our worth. That becomes the value we place on ourselves moving forward. And everything then gets measured against it. What we accept in our life, how we allow ourselves to be treated, who we let in, the jobs we take, the bullshit we let slide, the boundaries we don't enforce, the abuse we endure. We end up sacrificing certain parts of ourselves just to feel love, just to make more money, just to be accepted, just to keep the peace, just to feel a little bit of joy. And when we part ourselves out like that, we end up not bringing our full authentic self to this life we are living and risk not being loved and appreciated for who we really are. We are only seen for the pieces we choose to put forward. And that's not worth the 'some' we are getting in return.

What would it feel like to show up fully, to not shrink, to take up as much space as you want? What would it feel like to be allowed to have your own truth, to have your needs met, to voice your opinions and thoughts freely while being heard? What would it feel like to not be called names, to be respected, to be loved? To feel safe? To feel appreciated, honored, respected? And what would it feel like to remove anyone from your life who doesn't actively contribute to making you feel this way?

What would it feel like to pay attention when the branches start drooping and the needles start falling and the tree starts leaning? What would it feel like to choose yourself? To not ignore the signs that it is time to say goodbye to something or someone that no longer serves where you are headed. To move forward with all of the beauty and happiness that the tree brought you, but instead of spending time and energy piecing together and fixing the broken ornaments, we throw them in the trash...and don't look back. are worth every little bit of all of the happiness and joy you can attract in this lifetime. You are never too much for the right person, the right job, the right friendship. You deserve to be loved for every little piece of you.

Every. Little. Piece. Of. You.

Shine the light on the little dark areas within that you have been hiding. They are all worthy of this ride. All worthy of love. All worthy of you. And all deserve a lot more than 'some'.

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