you get to choose who has a spot at your table

Just yesterday I was four years old, sitting at my child sized table eating nilla wafers for breakfast. I had four plates set out and four glasses of milk, ready to welcome anyone who wanted to join me. With my sister was at school, my parents at work, and Nana watching her morning soap operas, the pickings were slim. I walked up to my bedroom and gazed upon a pile of dolls and stuffed animals piled on my bed trying to decide who would make the best guests for my breakfast date. I settled for Audrey, my trusted plastic doll, whose red hair stood straight up from lack of brushing, Raggedy Ann, whose overalls were stained and was also missing an eye from being thrown in the washing machine too many times, and Cookie Monster who would, no doubt, love my breakfast of choice. This was my first memory of who I am. Of how it all began. And how, initially, it would all unfold. And although I have had many memories and experiences since then that have shaped me into who I am today...this one stands out as the most significant.

It was the first time that I chose who sat at my table.

I didn't think about it much at the time, the significance of who we surround ourselves with. Who we invite into our lives. Who we feed and who feeds us. Who takes up space at our table. At four, anyone can join, including Cookie Monster, whose sole purpose was gobble up everything in sight, leaving you wonder why you invited him in the first place.

We all have a few Cookie Monsters in our life, don't we? Especially in our younger years, but I suspect some of you are still entertaining him, even though we know better.

For me, my teens and twenties were marked with even less discernment for those I let in my circle and my experiences with the world around me reflected that. I felt that the more people you had by your side, the better. The more people who sat at your table, the better. The more people that brought food...the better. And everyone that did, had a place at my table. Even the folks that arrived empty handed. You know, the ones that sat down just to eat everything. They would sit at my table for the sole purpose of sucking up my energy, my time and my food, right before leaving. Or they sat there, just taking up space...not offering anything, not giving anything, just showing up with the bare minimum. The leftovers they ate last night or the bag of chips they bought at the gas station just before coming over...We all have these types of people in our lives. I know you do, too. But what they don't tell you is you have a choice about who you let in. Who you let sit at your table.

You have a choice of who you invite in your life...physically and emotionally. You have a choice with who and what inhabits your mind and your home. Who actually gets to be in your circle. It's not a numbers game. It's not a family game. It's not even a 'you've been my friend for so long' game.

Because not everyone who sits at your table should be there.

Not out of bitterness. Not out of anger. Not out of hate.

Out of love.

For yourself.

It's OK (even necessary) to have boundaries. It's OK to filter out the folks that show up empty handed. The ones that bring constant negativity to your world. The ones that gossip and create false narratives. The ones that don't attempt to see that reality through the eyes of your experiences. The ones that are threatened by the new life you are creating and choose to remain stuck in the false narratives, the lies, the drama...the circus.

I know you have a few of those surrounding you. We all do.

But when you put yourself first, something brilliant happens...your table might seem less full, but the seats around you will be lined with the folks that truly have your back. The folks that support you and make great efforts to be a part of your life...you know, the ones that give just as much as you do. Your night becomes part of a healthy give and take. It becomes more fulfilling, more equal. Your table is filled with confidence, love and loyalty.

This is the table I want to be at. This is the only table I will be at.

So tonight, I am setting my table for three. There will be no nilla wafers or milk. There will be no waiting to see who shows up. I already know who will be there because they have earned a spot to share a meal with me

.

And Audrey will have brushed her hair, Raggedy Ann will come with clean clothes and a brand new eye sewn back in place and Cookie Monster? Well, he's is not invited.

but over time, I have come to realize how important this decision is in shaping our experiences, perspectives and overall well-being.

It's not just about companionship; it's about the energy and values that these individuals bring with them. Who we feed and who feeds us—this exchange of support, love, and encouragement—creates a dynamic that can either uplift us or pull us down. The act of choosing who takes up space at our table is a conscious decision, one that can reflect our priorities and aspirations. Each person we include in our circle contributes to our narrative, influencing our thoughts and actions in ways we may not even realize. Are they nurturing our dreams and ambitions, or are they sowing seeds of doubt and negativity? Moreover, the conversations we engage in, the laughter we share, and even the silence we embrace together all contribute to a tapestry of relationships that can enrich our lives. The significance of these connections becomes even more apparent during challenging times, where the support of those we trust can make all the difference. In essence, the people we choose to surround ourselves with are not just companions; they are integral to our journey, shaping who we are and who we aspire to be. This realization has led me to be more intentional about my relationships, recognizing that the quality of our connections can profoundly impact our happiness and growth.